30 Is The New Black

With a sea of emotions, the big milestone birthday has almost officially arrived.

 

That time where I always thought I'd have life all figured out and everything would be perfect.

 Should I rejoice that the awkwardness of my twenties are over? Or panic as I kiss my youthfulness goodbye in return for a world of 9pm bedtimes and wrinkle creams? 

I accomplished some amazing feats in my twenties. I've traveled all across the country and grown exponentially in my career. I've turned myself into a marathon runner and represent a fantastic brand due to my successes on the pavement. I've modeled luxurious European headpieces. I've done things some people don't get to do in an entire lifetime.

But it wasn't an easy decade.  

As I reflect, I'm fairly certain that your twenties is the equivalent of going through puberty.

At 20, I was a small town college girl with big hopes and dreams, but not a lick of sense. I had no idea what it meant to be responsible. Or to be a good friend. Or how to love. Or sacrifice. Or how to take care of myself.

I was barely 21 when I packed up as much stuff as would fit into my Jetta and moved into a city I had never been to. After a while, I found myself broke and alone. I had two choices: give up and move back to Alabama, or pull myself together, figure it out, and move forward.

So I worked multiple jobs -- one to begin a real career, the others to supplement my career dreams so that I could do things like feed myself and put gas in my car.

I learned responsibility pretty quick.

Through those jobs, I became friends with some incredible people from all facets of life. They took me for who I was, never passed judgement, and was the best support group I'd ever had.

They taught me how to be a good friend.

There are certain inevitable things in life that you can't be prepared for at any age, and death is the hardest of them all by far. When I was 22, I lost my dad to cancer. I found myself at a crossroads again: succumb to a world of sadness, or live happily in his memory and make him proud.

In life and in death, he taught me how to love.

My mid twenties became less about trying to decide what bars to go to every night and more about building a life for myself and taking care of the people that meant the most to me. 

I met Prateek who taught me what it means to sacrifice and prioritize and that sometimes the right decisions are the hardest. 

I find myself now in my late twenties, turning 30 in a few days, surrounded by a solid group of great friends and family and everything I could have ever asked for.

  

The feelings I've been having of aimlessness, inadequacy and insecurity over a stupid number?! What is wrong with me? I should have way bigger fish to fry than that.

   

I don't believe that learning how to be responsible or how to love or how to be a good friend ever really stops. You are constantly discovering yourself, no matter the age. 

I think that maybe your twenties is where you truly learn some of those life principles, and your thirties is where you can actually execute and benefit from them. 

  Growing older is a privilege, not a curse -- and a person's potential has no expiration date.

So, maybe it's not that I'm young or old. Maybe I am just where I need to be.  

Bring it on, 30. 

 

The Pursuit of Happiness

Throughout my entire teenage and college life, I found myself in quasi-serious relationships. I'm a romantic at heart and the white-picket-fence-babies-minivan mantra was (and is!) what most southern women want whether they would ever admit it or not. 

It's what I wanted at one point, too. Can't deny it. It's embedded into our southern-born DNA.

The Mrs Degree

You go to school. You meet the love of your life. You get married. You move back to your hometown (or somewhere relatively close). You have kids. Those kids grow up. Go to school. Meet the loves of their lives. Get married. Have your grandkids. 

And the cycle continues. That's how it's supposed to work.

It's what makes small towns so close knit and keeps a community strong.

Well me, I was the misfit. 

I followed my heart to Florida in 2005, and by 2007 was stuck in a place I never thought I'd be -- I  wasn't with the love of my life, I wasn't married, I wasn't back home, and I didn't have kids. I remember looking around my very first one bedroom apartment 600 miles away from home thinking well what now? 

I was alone with no friends, and had a job that was promising for the future but didn't make ends meet.  I had never been single for a long period of time, and had never supported myself without financial help from school loans or someone to share the bills with. 

What to do?

Like the Taurus I am, I stubbornly decided to prove that I could do it on my own. No time to feel sorry for myself -- so I hit the ground running.

In the Sunday paper one morning there was a listing for servers/bartenders needed at a local restaurant. I had waited tables in college and knew how nice awesome it was to walk out with wads of cash in my hand (heck, I'm still jealous even today, who am I kidding)- working two jobs was going to be tough, but it was a good temporary solution and I figured maybe I'd meet some friends there too. 

Done and done. 

Little did I know how many people I would meet and how much self-evaluation I would encounter.

I realized I didn't even know what I wanted for myself. For so long I had been morphing my wants and opinions into whatever everyone else wanted or liked. What does Mary want? What does Mary like? I had no idea. It's very similar to that scene in Runaway Bride, where she doesn't even know how she likes her eggs cooked. 

The group of people I worked with were so open minded that it allowed me to form my own opinion on things without being judged or criticized.There were the goody two-shoes, the alcoholics, the born-again Christians,  and the ones that have a record in the Pinellas County System. You had the mothers and fathers trying to make ends meet for their kids, and you had the college students just trying to make a few extra bucks to pay their cell phone bills. It was one big dysfunctional family, and they carried me through my self awakening while I got my groove back.

At this point in my career, I had gotten promoted with my hotel company and didn't "need" my serving job anymore, but it's where all my friends were and I had fun there. So I kept it going on the weekends.

It was chaotic - it was dramatic - it was long nights and early mornings - but it was family, and that's how families work sometimes.

Thank you to my St Pete family for getting me through what could have been a dark time. Just like the great Whitney Houston, I will always love you.

A Day Older Only Matters if You're A Banana

Typically I’m the one that always plans my own birthday party – get the invites out early, plan a big extravagant night on the town with friends, the whole bit. This year was different. I was at odds with what I wanted to do, if anything, and waited until the last minute to decide. Plus, 27 isn’t that fun of a number, and to be honest I was a little freaked out that I was going to “officially” be in my late twenties! Shouldn’t I have my long-term future kind of planned out by now? Financial independence, a set career path, raising a family? I had a slight quarter-life-crisis moment, even though I would never admit it face to face with anyone.

It just so happened that the Tampa Bay Rays had a game on Saturday night, and it also happened to be that Darius Rucker was doing a post-game concert! It was the perfect solution to a birthday celebration. I love Darius, with his unique baritone voice and easy cool attitude, from Hootie and the Blowfish all the way to his current country career. Plus, Cracked Rear View was the first CD I ever owned, so Darius and his songs will always have a special place in my heart. 

We told a few people what we were up to, just in case they were in the area, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it since it was so last minute. 
As it all turns out, it was one of the most fun birthdays to date!The game was fun, the concert was awesome, and dinner and drinks afterwards was the perfect mix of chill and celebration.

It’s amazing what a great time you can have on an impromptu night with good friends, and this weekend made me realize that I don’t have to plan a lavish event in order to have an awesome birthday. It also helped me focus less on what I haven’t experienced yet at this point in my life, and turn it into an appreciation of what wonderful experiences I have had so far, and acknowledge the abundant life I already live!

My birthday wish this year -- that nothing will let me forget that :)