You Might Be A Runner If......

Jeff Foxworthy is hilarous to me. His "You Might Be A Redneck If..." series used to make me laugh so hard I'd cry. Mostly because it was all kinda true and I would witness some of  it on a daily basis in my home state of Alabama.

Recently on my long runs I've thought of amusing things that runners do that seem normal to us, but abnormal to the rest of the world. Here's my list, and feel free to add more. I will update the list regularly if I think of something I left off.

You might be a runner if....

• You hesitate to spend $20 on a new pair of heels, but dropping $120 on running shoes is no big deal
• You spend more time on Map My Run, Active.com, and Runners World blogs than you do on Facebook
• Your load of laundry consists of 10 days worth of training gear and sweat towels and only one day's worth of "normal" clothes
• You don't get pedicures because you want to keep the calluses on your feet
• Your number of toes to toenails does not match
• You and the stick and/or foam roller are in a very serious love/hate relationship
• The first thing you think about when traveling out of town is "Where am I going to do my run?"
• You keep a backup pair of running shoes in the trunk of your car, just in case
• You have Nuun tablets and a bottle of ibuprofen on you at all times
• You see hills and get excited at the thought of doing speedwork on them
• You frequently find parts of Gu packets in your washing machine
• You have chaffing scars in strange places from not utilizing your body glide properly 
• You find yourself stretching in random establishments, such as in the elevator or in line at the store or while seated at a restaurant
• You are always hungry and feel like at any given moment you could eat an entire pizza by yourself
• You know what a snot rocket is and have mastered it
• You call all of your tank tops "Singlets", even if they're not
• You get extremely angry and feel disrespected if someone calls you a "jogger"
• Your idea of fun is waking up at 5AM on a Saturday, going to the track, and running 400's.... extra bonus fun points if it's raining
• You avoid junk food by looking at the nutrition label and calculating how many miles it would take to burn those calories off
• You want to lose 5 pounds, not to look better in your jeans but so that you'll be able to run faster
• You have at least 6 empty plastic water bottles in your car
• During injury, you're angrier you can't run than at the fact that your body is breaking down 
• You can say "fartlek" without giggling like a 10 year old
• You have a new definition to everyday words. To you, PR does not mean public relations, a chip does not mean food, IT does not mean information technology, Splits does not mean something you do in gymnastics, and Winning the Lottery does not mean hitting the jackpot
• You get jealous when you're driving in your car and go by a group of runners 
•  You mention that you're doing an easy 7-miler today, and you're serious
• You plan your vacations around races in various parts of the world
• You've been "high" but never done drugs
• 6 AM is sleeping in

Happy Running! 

One Day, You'll Understand

OK, I get it. 

I'm not a mom yet (except to Jadoo of course). But I get it. 

I get why you wouldn't let me go see a PG-13 movie until I was actually 13. 

Movies like that will ruin a young child's innocence. 

I get why you wouldn't let me play in the drainage ditch on Lakeview Drive with my friends. 

There's probably more bacteria in that ditch than on a dirty kitchen towel. 

I get why you wanted me home by 10pm on a Saturday night.

Nothing good ever happens after that time anyway. 

I get why you got so upset if I didn't call to say I was going to be late. 

This world is a scary place and you never know what could have happened. 

I get why you always made me eat my vegetables.  

Some kids these days don't know the first thing about a well balanced diet.

There are so many things I didn't understand at the time. I would get mad an occasionally through tantrums for not getting my way. 

Occasionally. 

And now looking back I'm so grateful for all of it. 

You juggled three kids' school/homework/soccer/band/ballet/track/piano lessons/church schedules and put up with all of the shenanigans that went with it, and then somehow still had time in between to make extravagant homemade birthday cakes and sew us new outfits and brighten up the house with holiday decor, all while having a home cooked meal on the table every night and cookie dough ice cream in the freezer for dessert. 

Miracle Worker. 

Happy Mother's Day to the best mom in the world! 

A Runner's High

A runner's high is hard to explain - it's this sense of euphoria, invincibility, and bliss that occurs when you get those endorphins pumping through your veins. I'll experience it every once in a while, especially on my super long 20-mile training runs and after I cross the finish line of a race.

 But typically never on short runs. And definitely not just spectating other people running.

Then yesterday happened.

It wasn't a big deal - New Balance was putting on this 1-mile race and my running club was participating. I thought sure, why not? It'll be fun and I've never really seen how fast I could go before.

They were doing shoe demos, so I figured I'd try out a super lightweight racing shoe. I've never raced in anything besides my training shoes (which feel like bricks in comparison to these New Balance 1400's) because I was freaked out by my overpronating feet and wanted to protect my knees from my non-existent arches.

They were sooooooo nice. It felt like I didn't have on shoes at all!

 

Oh, and the colors were pretty - we all know that's what really matters anyway.

The Elite runners were in the first heat, then the 6:30-7:30 pace group, then the 7:30 and above pace group.  

I've never watched people who could run as fast as they did in the elite group- the guy came in first ran it in 4:15-ish. I couldn't hear the official time because I was so freaked out at his inhuman capabilities. 

Once I get official times, I'll let y'all know. 

My friend Beth ran it in 5:33 --  the second fastest female there.

Yea, I know her. It's OK to be jealous.

At this point I am SO pumped for these 4 laps. And also a little freaked out. What should my pace be? What happens if I go out too fast and end up collapsing and embarrassing myself in front of all these people?

Holy crap, Mary, it's a fun run. Take a deep breath and simmer down for goodness sake. 

So off I went - first 400 done, and I felt pretty good. 

Second 400 done, still felt good, so stepped up my pace a little. 

Third 400 done, and I was creeping up in my group like a ninja. 

Halfway through the last lap I let it all out and started sprinting with whatever energy I had left. 

The last 100 meters or so, I snuck up on everyone like the Kentucky Derby's I'll Have Another and finished the first female overall! 

6:22 was my unofficial time. And I think I could have maybe gone faster.

They gave me a gift card to New Balance for being the first female in my group. 

New running shorts? I think yes. 

The only thing going through my head the entire rest of the night was 

OMG I LOVE RUNNING THIS IS THE BEST SPORT EVER!!!! 

As I begin to take on my marathon training schedule, this is exactly what I needed.

So, runners high from watching fast people? It can totally happen.

And prizes always help too.